Softness Isn’t Silence – Why Leadership Matters in a Thoughtful Training Approach

(Warning: long post alert – but written with all my heart!)

My way of working with horses is sometimes misunderstood. People may see softness and consent and mistake it for a lack of structure or direction. Some might think I only focus on groundwork or avoid riding altogether. But that’s not the case.

I want to be clear: what I do is grounded in classical principles, guided by biomechanics, and built on mutual trust.

Classical training can take many forms. For me, it’s not about positioning the horse into a frame, but about cultivating harmony and balance from within. It’s about clear principles, thoughtful progression, and supporting the horse’s physical and mental development through gymnastic work that respects their body and mind. It’s about guiding them toward balance, understanding, and joyful movement – from the inside out.

I care about healthy biomechanics. About building a better body through structured gymnastic work. About lightness that grows from trust, not pressure. And about a thinking frame of mind – in both horse and human – where choices are made in dialogue rather than command.

But I’ve learned something crucial along the way: If we try to be soft by stepping back too far, we risk disappearing.And that doesn’t create safety. It creates uncertainty.

Not Alternative – Just Thoughtful

My approach is built on classical principles plus more. I integrate the old wisdom of gymnastic progression with a modern awareness of emotional well-being, nervous system safety and regulation, and mutual consent.

To me, classical doesn’t mean stiff or authoritarian. It means well-thought-through. Harmonious. Honest.

And it’s not a rigid training plan or a corset-like method. It’s a living, breathing system – one that adapts to the horse in front of me. One that listens and responds, but also provides guidance and structure. A system that moves with the horse, not in spite of them.

Consent Doesn’t Mean Chaos

Consent is a beautiful concept – but it is often misunderstood.It doesn't mean the horse gets to decide everything. It doesn't mean we wait forever, hoping they’ll figure it out on their own. And it definitely doesn’t mean stepping aside when they’re overwhelmed or disconnected.

True consensual training still includes leadership. It just changes what leadership looks like.

Instead of dominating, we support.Instead of forcing, we shape.Instead of demanding, we invite – and stay present.

The 51/49 Balance – Why Leadership Matters

In my experience, we need to be at least 51% in the lead. Not because we want to control – but because we are responsible.

We’re navigating through our world: a world full of trailers, roads, unexpected noises, and subtle social expectations. A world the horse didn’t choose, but that we can help them feel safe in.

This 51/49 balance isn’t about dominance. It’s about co-regulation. It’s about saying: “I’m here. I’ve got us. You can rely on me.”

It means being present enough to gently interrupt overreaction or fear. To offer clarity when the horse gets lost. To hold a steady frame when the horse needs help finding their balance again.

That’s not too much. That’s what good leadership looks like.

Clarity Builds Trust

True partnership is not built in a rush. It takes time – and trust – to unfold. We are not here to make the horse do it. We are here to guide, to show the way, and to believe in the process. Some things take longer to appear, not because they are out of reach, but because they are growing quietly beneath the surface. Patience is not passive – it is active trust in the path, and in the horse's ability to find their balance, expression, and readiness in their own time.

Trust doesn’t grow from absence. It grows from consistency. From being there. From asking fair questions and offering answerable tasks. From showing the horse: “I won’t overwhelm you – but I also won’t leave you guessing.”

When we’re clear, our horse can relax.When we’re fair, they begin to try.And when we’re both – that’s when learning really happens.

The Artful Bridge – Training That Feels Like Dancing

There’s a reason I do gymnastic work with my horses. I love to build strength, balance, and athleticism. But not as a drill. Not to chase perfection.

I want the horse to feel good in their body. To carry themselves with ease and pride. To discover their own coordination and power through movement that makes sense.

And I want it to feel like dancing together. Joyful. Alive. Real.

To me, the art lies in this:

To create lightness without pressure.

To support without controlling.

To shape movement and mindset – without ever shutting the horse down.

That takes clarity. But it also takes play. It takes principles. But also presence. It’s not a formula – it’s a flow.

Using the Pillars as Preparation – Not as a Pause

One of the strengths of my approach lies in working through interconnected pillars – groundwork, longeing, liberty, work in hand, and riding. Each of them plays a role in shaping body, mind, and emotional balance. One prepares the next, and one gives back to the other. But this doesn’t mean staying in one of them or in walk until it’s perfect. It means using each pillar wisely and with intention – to build understanding, confidence, and physical readiness. The goal is not to stay in preparation mode forever. The goal is to ride – in lightness, in balance, and in true partnership.

Riding is not the end point but a living part of this process. My aim is to help horse and rider find a seat of connection, softness, and mutual understanding – where communication flows freely and movement feels effortless. It’s important to me to support riders not only in preparation, but also in the saddle – to bring depth, clarity, lightness, and a feeling of self-carriage and effortlessness into the riding itself. Because when groundwork and gymnastic development come together with thoughtful riding, something truly beautiful unfolds.

Growing Beyond the Comfort Zone

Progress requires more than repetition – it requires the courage to stretch. We grow, and help our horse grow, by gently moving beyond the familiar. Not by blowing through thresholds or forcing change, but by thinking beyond the box, expanding the comfort zone bit by bit. This is how we build resilience, mental balance, and true strength – and ultimately shape a sound, happy, and athletic partner.

Staying a Student Forever

At the heart of it all, I remain a student. I learn from every horse I meet, especially my own. I learn from my students, from their questions, their challenges, their breakthroughs. This path is not about reaching perfection. It’s about being willing to grow, to reflect, to adjust. Constantly evolving, staying curious, and listening deeply. Because every horse has something to teach us – if we’re open enough to receive it.

Closing Thoughts

Dressage – even in its most refined form – should never lose its soul. It’s not only about structure and balance, but also about joy, happiness, and the spirit of playfulness. A happy athlete is not created through obedience alone, but through a sense of purpose, well-being, and connection. When we invite lightness, curiosity, and joy into serious work, we create a space where both horse and human can thrive.

Softness is not the absence of direction.Consent is not a withdrawal of responsibility. And classical training doesn’t mean rigid control.

It means building something meaningful – together.

Let’s strive to be soft. Yes. But also solid.

Let’s be trustworthy guides who offer clarity, safety, and fairness.Let’s train like artists – thoughtful, open, evolving – grounded in the wisdom of those before us, and shaped by every experience we make.

Because when we lead with presence, when we carry our 51% with care,our horses can carry the rest – with joy, understanding, and trust.